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Valentine’s Day

February 13, 2012

Blog post #2 today! I’m on a roll! Be sure to click back one page and read “Beautiful.”

Across the twitterverse and blogosphere, I have been reading about how people “don’t do Valentine’s Day”. Well, why not?

Admittedly, I have mixed feelings about it. On one hand, I would be mad as hell at someone who bought me $100 roses (because a) they cost $40 last week and b) I don’t like roses and you oughta KNOW that, motherfucker.) I also don’t want to go out to dinner on the weekends around Valentine’s Day or on Valentine’s Day proper. Those “special menus” mean we are going to overpay for mediocre food and wait on line far too long for the privilege. And the server will be too busy to bring me another diet Coke, which is just going to annoy me. I also think that most Valentine’s Day cards are hokey (but if someone made me one? That would be SO cool because it’s unexpected) and if you’re gonna buy me candy, it better be GOOD candy, not conversation hearts or stupid stuff that comes in a heart-shaped box. I mean, really. Who I am is not going to go out the window because it’s Valentine’s Day.

The most common reasons not to celebrate Valentine’s Day are: it’s too commercial and “I try to show my love every day.”

Okay, number one: Christmas is too commercial, too. (I mean, hello? Christmas stuff up in stores BEFORE HALLOWEEN??) I don’t see too many people passing up on Christmas. Even those who don’t celebrate what Christmas is actually about but whose sole purpose of celebrating Christmas is the gifts. I mean. How much more commercial can you get? Oh, wait. They rarely admit it’s for the presents. It’s all about “family.” Right.

Now, on to those who say “I try to show my love every day.”

The operative word there is “try.” Because let’s face it. Even with the best intentions, that doesn’t happen. I was married not so long ago, I remember. You want to show love every day but guess what happens? Life happens. The laundry needs to get done, the children need picking up from school and ferried to karate, the car needs fixing, you have to work late, someone gets sick and life just happens.

Of course your beloved knows you love her. Is it so wrong, though, to set aside a day to really focus on it? To say “okay, this is the day that we celebrate US?” Because celebrations are meant to be special occasions, not every day events. We celebrate lots of things in the country, why not celebrate our relationships and our love?

I’m not saying you have to be all conventional and wear slutty lingerie, go out to dinner, send roses and candy. You can, if that’s the thing that works for you, but maybe what works best for you is to stay home and have fried chicken and French fries. Maybe it’s about having a specific time set to acknowledge that, yes, this person is very special to you.

[An aside, I have 2 favorite dinners: medium rare steak with mashed potatoes and pizza, buffalo wings and Velveeta macaroni and cheese. Both with a side of whisky!]

The problem, from what I’m told, is that someone always gets in “trouble” because they don’t meet the other person’s expectations for a “perfect” Valentine’s day. No Valentine’s Day is going to be perfect, so let’s throw that out the window.

I have another thought: how about we, collectively, stop expecting our partners to read our freaking minds and just say what we want?

Like, on the level of a Big Deal Thing, I would love to go on vacation every year at this time. It’s not only Valentine’s Day but my birthday is 3 days later, so I would love to go somewhere warm and lounge on a beach. Or go somewhere cold and snowy and not so far away from home and just hang out in a cabin in the woods somewhere for a week, with nothing to do but chill. And you know. That One Thing.

I would LOVE for someone cook me dinner (because I can’t grill a good medium rare steak to save my ASS) and watch a chick movie with me, which she would normally bellyache about. I’ll make dessert! (Okay, that *is* pretty typical Valentine’s Day stuff, I KNOW, but it works for me. Yours might be something TOTALLY different. If that’s the case, do that.)

The secret is to decide together what you’re going to do, not expect huge surprises that are going to amaze and delight. They almost never do because your partner is not a mind reader

And as for presents, I say the same thing I always say: pay attention to your partner. If you “show your love every day” then presumably you listen to her and you know what she wants. I have been blogging for nearly 10 years. Some of those years I was married. In other years, I had an SO. None of them ever read my blogs and if they had, their gift-giving would have been so much easier. Do you have any idea how long I’ve been saying, “If someone wants me to know they love me, then get my truck detailed?” or “don’t bring me roses! Buy me happy flowers!” I mean. I’m not hard to figure out. I will TELL you what to do, if you listen. I’m guessing that your sweetheart is the same way.

Man. I got all tangential, didn’t I?

If you don’t like Valentine’s Day and nothing I am going to say is going to sway you, then fine. I think you’re missing out.


From → Holidays

  1. Now I feel like I need to clarify my post. I love valentine’s day, I just prefer not to subject my girlfriend to an evening with my first wife, which is what it will amount to no matter what I try to do. I’ve tried on a few occasions to do it, but I seriously get lost in the past on Valentine’s day.

    I couldn’t agree more about communication and paying attention. The same thing can be said about anniversaries and birthdays.

    And now that you’ve mentioned it, I’d never had an SO who has read my blogs until this year. Weird.

    • Ahhh. Well, THAT is a whole different kettle of wax, isn’t it? [I love to mix my metaphors, for some reason.]

  2. You’re so right about the listening part. It’s so easy when you stay in tuned to your partner. I love V-day, in fact it’s my favorite holiday. I have the card (actually two cards), a bag of kisses (her favorite), a tiny heart shaped box of candies (because I think heart shaped anythings are cute), a dinner at home of raviolis, salad and a bottle of wine. That’s our V-day. Now this weekend is a different story, that’s when the super slutty lingerie will be flying in the air.

    • And THAT is why you are my favorite non-date-potential butch, sugar. And why I’m pretty sure all my butches hate you. 🙂

  3. Kaitlin permalink

    Ok, ok. I know I’m in the box of Twitter people who have said they dislike Valentine’s Day and I’m here to clarify a little 😉

    I think it’s sweet when couples choose to celebrate it – or any other holiday for that matter. I just dislike the commercialism that comes with it. The cheesy commercials that assume every woman wants some uglyass, heart-shaped blood diamond pendant from Kay Jewelers. Nothankyounotever. Or that I need a specific day to give my lady a card that I’ve made for her. Or that I want some ugly roses (so glad we agree that those overpriced things are gross).

    Also, you’re so right about that mind reader nonsense. USE YOUR WORDS, FRIENDS.

    Happy Valentine’s Day, sugar.

    • Well, yeah. No one needs a cliched Valentine’s Day! I hope you and your lady and doing something fabulously sweet tonight, whatever that involves for you. 🙂 But NOT *anything* from Kay Jewelers! ;

  4. Did you buy yourself some valentine’s peeps? They seem to have them for every holiday now.

  5. I don’t “hate” Valentine’s Day, but I do believe that it’s largely a whole lot of hype. I’d rather have Chris surprise me with tokens and treats on an unofficial day of romance ™. This year sucks because in her infinite wisdom wife chose to take extra hours at her part time job. The only time I’ve planned something special in years and she volunteers to work. She was gone from 7am-11pm and because I am wallowing in my pitiful unemployment, I was an ornery and miserable human being. And I can hardly complain about her working…because she’s doing it so we can have a nest egg and some fun money. So this year I suck it up. She still brought me some tiny little cupcakes with red and pink sprinkles, so how can I bitch?

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